Clues or coincidence (S1 Ep.5-11)

Before Joan left I could see, curiosity and intrigue, in her eyes. And as I watched her go on her way on my thought prevailed a certainty, she knew as well as I what happened was not a consequence of a day spent under flashes, was not the result caused by the photographic session. I admit that it was exhaustive and the lack of natural light has caused me some headaches but didn't change my senses.

When I entered Joan’s bedroom I started feeling weird and despite trying to ignore that unknown sensation, the truth is that I had no control over it, I couldn't control myself and even lost track, for a moment, what I was doing. However, what I saw I can't forget, nor what I had heard. I heard her utter a few words, I don't have the perception of the language she used, although I’m sure it wasn't ours. When she touched me she appeared in those fragmented images, her hair was longer, her clothes were strangers, seemed taken from a book of ancient history, she was looking a little older, but it was her... And the instant following her words was like them broke some kind of hypnotic stage under which I was.

I know Joan very well, I know how she has been strange and if she has been like that it was because something weird was going on. She doesn't like to be press and as such I give her the space she needs to get organized, or even understand what she feels and when she’s ready will come to us. I know how she is and she knows how I am. I can't take this feeling that something has been hiding from the truth, this feeling of a small crack that starts to open its way, sliding along by uncertainty and lack of confidence. She knew I would look for answers... Yes! She knew it. Which led me to think it was something that she couldn't tell. But if she could tell directly that didn't mean she wouldn't have left clues. - "What am I not seeing?!"

I've been so focused on the fear of disappointing my friends by the inability to comply with the commitment I made that everything strange in this time I associated to my project with Joan. Fear changed my reasoning, but hope that everything would be okay with effort and dedication made me want to go beyond, made me look for the real cause of these events.

I went downstairs to my room and sat at the desk. I grabbed a pencil and paper and started doing kind of a calendar. I wrote everything that I reminded about her strange attitudes and tried to date them according to my memories. Then, by mere instinct, I grabbed a calendar and crossed these days with commemorative dates, holidays, celestial events, phases of the moon, everything that had happened that could be binding. Even in small phrases like "I gotta go", "I really" from Joan I wrote.

I was determined to find out what was going on, I wouldn't wait any longer, I've done it long enough for Joan open up to me and if she not done it so far, then, was to be more serious than I could imagine. The only thought that invaded me at that moment was "if she can't tell, discovering it on my own is not her fault!"