It hurts not having you ... it hurts not understand (S1 Ep.12-3)

Wednesday, November 6

I spent the night awake. I searched for him in my dream, but the image of Elizabeth didn’t come out of my thought all night. "What they meant with the return of her spirit?!"

Recalling again and again last night, I knew something had to be done. According to the words of Joan, Elizabeth body was now with Anna, at the tomb of the Ancient Library. Where is that? Tomb? Ancient Library… Ancient, ancestors, the family of Joan! In the mausoleum, has to be there. That's where Joan disappeared. That’s it, it has to be. Now only left to know how can I get there.

Looking at myself in the mirror, my mind fled to him for the comfort of his arms, around me, made me feel safe. Slowly his hands climbed by my arms, grabbed my throat, choking me changed his face. - AHH! - I tripped and fell on the bed. - No, I don't want to see you like this, I can't remember you like this. - I looked at the clock, the time rushed me. There I would find him. There he was flesh and blood. "Mikhael, professor Seth". In my dreams was sweet, gentle, protective, but now ... What am I no seeing? Why were they together? Joan, why did you lie to me?

The will to go to school wasn’t much today. I didn't want to face Joan but would be inevitable, as resist to my desire to get closer to him. And to think about it the chest hurt, wanted to forget everything I saw yesterday, wish I could have him on my thought, pure heroic, nevertheless forgetting would be erase the moment of complicity too, the only moment which could return my smile.

At lunch, I sat alone. I had no hope of seeing him, maybe deep down. The truth is that thinking about him, would bring the image of Elizabeth, I don't want to remember him like that. Was to be a hard day, tried to disguise the sadness, but there was no escape for my thoughts. In a near table was Joan, her worried look worried left me hoping that she would come to talk to me. Yesterday, by not realizing what happened, by only know one side of the story, I took a side. In my heart, I knew that my grief was for miss the confidence from my best friend and for she had got him away from me.

For months, I've been closer to the truth and she always made me believe it was all in my head. Not knowing what else she was hiding, the suspicion that she made me forget something, profound disappointment.

The day pass, it was time to go to the girls, I just needed to get it together, but not seeing him, not feeling him was much more painful than any of his act.