Trust is like a mirror (S1 Ep.13-2)

The idea that we're all in conflict broke me for within. I just tried to follow my dream and this is the result ... - "the girls are probably right! Why I couldn't go up that stupid stage!? That stupid mask! Why I can't control my fears!? Why!?" – The tears sprang me, the pain in my chest was strong, as strong as the revolt that I was feeling. For a moment my life seemed to be guided, my destiny didn't belong to me…

Joan: Rose, wait! Please.

Rose: What, Joan! – The lump in my throat to hold the tears it hurt like a burning iron.

Joan: Francis, How did you meet him?

Rose: Unbelievable.

Joan: Please, I need to know.

Rose: For what? To put another one of your punishment upon him? He did nothing except defend you from my accusations. Leave him alone. Leave me alone!

Joan: From your accusations… Oh, I understand. – She was offended, could tell by her eyes, turned back and followed her way.

I didn't mean to hurt her, in my heart I knew who Joan really was, but before I could reflect on what to say, I had said it.

I was still scared and, although Francis had given me an opening of hope, needed answers, needed certainty.

With each passing day the wait for a contact it was beginning to make itself unbearable. - "Why didn't I ask him for the email or number? I'm so stupid!".

All I discovered so far had been thru strangers. How Joan could do this to me!? Felt like she had dropped the bomb in my hands and ran away.

During the week, there was no more talk about the discussion on Sunday. Joan and I we acted cordially with the girls and, although they knew that peace still was to be made, they respected our space, our time.

I felt guilty about this, after all Joan and I were increasingly away from each other. When looking at my pieces I felt her absence. Our conversations, even meaningless, gave encouragement to the sewing room, or as she liked to call it, to our workplace.

To each point my mind tended to escape. My head was too full, Francis, Elizabeth, Anna, Joan, Mikhael or Seth, the girls, the project, school, practice ... And this feeling, the fear of losing control.

Had to get my head at work, focus, without letting the past caught me again. If what Elizabeth said is true, wouldn't let the lucidity to escape me, not this time.

So I decided to start putting a point in each tale. Priority, girls! Their friendships were important to me and I wanted them to know that, so I invited them to spend here at home this weekend. I wanted to show them that Joan and I were developing, but more than that, I wanted to show them they are not dispensable. At all!