18th Episode – I’m coming (S1 Ep.18-1)

You set me Free

Looking at the letter, repeating each word in my mind, I didn't want to believe that this would be true. But still, this letter was here, signed by him... Mikhael wrote me a letter on Valentine's day week?! After all this time, after all the pain... After I finally accept that he was gone…

It was inevitable, despite the whirlwind of thoughts that occur to me, release a sweet smile idealizing such doing. He sat with paper in front of him, I don't know why, but I imagine him with a quill in hand and a bottle of ink on the side, lit by a chandelier. Perhaps the stories of Joan of other eras or even by the study of "History" itself! I don't know... However, the image was clear and felt such a passion with such idea, that warmed up my heart.

"Why now?" That's the question didn't get out of my thought and one more... "What promise had he made to me on Christmas Eve?!"

I picked up the pillow and pulled out my journal, I leafed through the date of that night and read all my descriptions, including the after. Nothing was mentioned about a promise. With heave eyes, I fell asleep in the middle of reading and he was there in my dreams…

"(...) Hold on to me. – In a flash, we were next to the gazebo. (...) Time crafts! (...) The Guardian of Time (...) Joan tells me that you ... You can't die? (...) I'm afraid my fate in this life is traced. (...) I promise you! I will always be by your side ... If you need me, I will be there ... I’ll never leave you (...)"

(Full Moon) Friday, February 14

“AH” I woke up a little restless, my heart was throbbing with passion and compassion, a frenzy ran through my body, I had seen him! It was like a moment out of time! This stranger in my dream is he, I felt him... "Mikhael is the Guardian of Time. He ... He's stuck in this world... "Held me and in a second we were together in the gazebo. This moment lost in time is a memory, it was just for a second, but I felt him so close, his smell, his arms, his face, his sweet look... His face, I know him. The sound of his voice, his presence... I felt like he was part of me. I know that was just a dream. How can I remember this?! Only if... Joan can't beat time… That's gotta be it!

With his absence day after day a little more of me faded away, I felt lost. Fantasized about the stories of Joan and even believe they are just stories, but ... He had a face, he is real! Had I loved someone who I forgot and for who I lost myself?! If I loved him that much how could I have forgotten about him...

The light already lurked by the window, the dawn was morning. I couldn't let this need to rationalize everything go. I was afraid of losing it, of endangering the lives of the girls.

Today would be the beginning of a long weekend around the theme "Love". After the revelation that came with the letter of Mikhael would, in fact, be a long weekend. I was full of questions, so far any with a response and the latest searches I made were full of emptiness, however… This letter... Brought back to life not only my heart as my memory, felt that something was hidden between the lines.

Much of what we say is in subtext. Maybe a cry of hope of being understood without saying the forbidden. His letter to the eyes of my heart was like a code, a map so to speak. Pick up in short phrases, small moments, however, had another hidden message. His words shouted "I will be here, look for me when you're ready… I'm waiting for you!" And now I knew where I could find him... With his ascendants.

Conversely, I wouldn't do it, not now. We were both stuck in a dead end. Attracted to each other as we had no choice. I knew I had to find myself in the middle of this story, but I didn't want to have the obligation to be someone else, who they saw me for, I didn't want to be what I'm not. Yet I felt the truth in the words of Joan, there was a part of me that was still incredulous with the possibility of she, actually, being a witch, the girls and I are Guardians?! And to add to all of this, last month I experienced more pain than I ever thought I might support, all because I fall in love...

The other reason why I wouldn't do it was himself. I felt the pain in his words, I realized that he had loved Anastacia as no equal and see her face in a stranger, I don't think it was easy. I could only imagine the suffering he had been thru, even more, if my suspicions were correct. He would never forgive himself... And for that, he would sacrifice once more his own will for my benefit. And this feeling I understood.

When I realized how deep I was in my grief for not understanding the reasons that led him to leave me, that would make my best friend erase him from my memory, then and only then I understood why I had to accept it and let him go, too, and that was the worst feeling, it broke me from inside, piece by piece was stolen from me, helplessness to my heart was what I felt. It wasn't what I wanted to do, but it would have to be like so, I would sacrifice my own desire to maintain sanity, to keep the girls safe. The pain blinded me, I haven't seen another way and if I continued for that perhaps Joan’s fears could come true…

Monic helped me understand a little more of myself, however, the words of Mikhael releasing me of the weight on my chest, he never abandoned me, kept his promise.

Around us there is so much more than the eye can see. Now I know he's around. - "(...) a second away (...) I'm going to always protect you. With Love, Mikhael"...