Writing down all my feelings (S1 Ep.17-9)

Saturday, January 11

This whole process was affecting me more than I ever could have imagined. I wanted to do something small, go slowly, evolving step by step. - "Joan and her ideas, creating high expectations, and, as became a habit, expect me to do all the work!" - At this point, I didn't know how much unfair I was being, but everything I felt brought the idea to Joan's fault in her latest attitudes to me.

My world seemed to be falling apart, everything was going wrong. When mother spoke of meetings I thought we'd be to look for sponsors for the fashion show and not for investors to the bigger picture. There was still a lot of points in the project to be studied, I did not want to move forward without having it all planned out in detail. I've always had this feature, thinking too much about the business as long as I can remember. Although it is good to think before you act, think too much can crush you. You start to ponder everything that you hear and forgot all the work you had done to support your decisions. And when your heart hurts all lies under a mist that you can't shake. You enter in a spiral of feelings that it pulls down the more you think about it. I was feeling a little depressed and couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The girls have been so busy that I haven't had a chance to just talk. During the week, after school, I passed by at the rehearsal of the FairyTailors, just for a few minutes, I had to take advantage of all the free time to work on the collection for Valentine's day. Now more than ever knew we'd need a good result at this weekend.

Today Monic comes to help with the cutting and sewing. It was really a good surprise to discover a new gift of her. While waiting for her arrival I used the time to write a little. This is another way that helps me unburden. As I wrote my feelings, helped in the process of it become better understanding, helped to comprehend what's going on around me. It's like a new prospect of it all, this being the same one as inside of me.

However, today will not be all work. Dianne, Joan and Sofie are in charge of decorating and today they're looking for some material, based on the concepts "Sunset Party" and "Red Carpet". And Monic and I have an investigation in hands. As I promised her, I will help her find her secret love, although she did not admit it, I know she’s in love.

Be surrounded by this entire environment of works freed me of the chest pain, didn't forget, but it wasn't so heavy. With Monic company, our talks were rarely about boys, although this time we went by that branch. Still, I felt relieved and happy for her. We found a water competition to be held in May, on our beach of choice. We were already making plans for the season. Is the beach near KoffyBreak, so we thought we could spend the morning “watching” the competition – will be more, looking for the Mystery boy – and then have lunch at the KoffyBreak.

Although she understood that I was hurt did not bring it up once. Monic has this subtlety to understand others, I risk to say, better than ourselves, sometimes. And she’s never unpleasant. Her presence brings serenity and security that calms the spirit. We're all good friends and we all recognize that we have our deepest secrets, but I don't think there's one that Monic doesn't know. Although she did not speak about it, she knows… She understands...